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Chris's Journey
Between then and seventh grade I lost the light. I became more cynical of the world we lived in, coming up with the only answer to why I was picked on: I was weak. I had to be, there was no other explanation. From then until about my junior year I became obsessed, more or less, with making myself stronger--because that is what would make me happy. I focused on making sure I preformed to my peak in sports, cram as much knowledge as possible into my head, and find any other way to better myself. I knew that there was something more to this world, but I needed to be stronger to get to it. I avoided alcohol and drugs because of how much I abhorred the thought of being so weak as to use them as a crutch. I no longer had that “heart of gold” my teachers used to tell my mother I had, so it upset her. Any prayers I had for my Lord stopped. I was on my own, I thought, and needed to reach that bar I set for myself. I couldn’t reach it on my own, however, and every time I screwed up I would lash out at myself. That and previous conflicts with my peers caused me to have a horrible self image and self esteem. The tail end of my high school career turned out better though,. I had found who would be my core group of friends for the rest of high school and afterwards. All my previous thoughts were not so important with them and I didn’t need to prove to myself that I needed to push so hard. Things went well for a time, until tension began to rise and we began to get at each other’s throats. The year ended and I worked all summer so I figured that when I saw them again in September, things could start over again. They did not, for a new classmate had transferred from the Catholic High School two miles away. She got along well with my friends and even managed to drag us to church. This was a completely foreign concept to me, going to church, even though I did believe in God. For a while I went to the large group meetings, and eventually, Sunday Service itself. For a long time I struggled with the God concept: I didn’t think that God and Science could be reconcilable, as if they were 2 com pletely separate worlds. Eventually after I was baptized a Baptist, I could see that they were in fact one and the same world, and that everything I had was all a part of God’s creation. I thought that everything would be easy in life after that point, however that was a false assumption. That summer my great uncle was stricken with Alzheimer’s Disease, and needed to be sent to Poland, his homeland. My great aunt could not look after her estate while she was in Poland with him, so she asked my father to look after her house. My family was opposed, since she lived in California. My mother and father argued for the entirety of the summer, my siblings and I also pleaded with him to stay. I prayed for anything that would help me through it, and when I thought He presented it, I ran for it. Nothing I did made me feel better. My father left in late September of 2007 and freshman year began. I struggled a lot that year, but grew a lot over it and that summer. I learned to let Him handle all my problems, as he provides everything. As I reevaluate my life, I look back on two main points. The first is that throughout my life, even in my darkest times, I cannot remember a time when I blamed God for anything that wronged me. Through that I realized that, second, I needed to go through all those things, as if God was saying, “my son, you must overcome these trials that lay before you, for need the experience to do something great for me.” All the bad things that happened, even though I didn’t understand why at the time, became something that helped me overcome trials in the future. God works in mysterious ways. (Hebrews 11). • click here read other journeys • |
My story essentially begins when I was five years old. I had just moved to Hudson, MA and began kindergarten that September. I lived life as it came. I never really knew much about God, my mother tried to teach me some bits and pieces of His story, but I was too little to understand it fully. All through elementary school though, I shined with his love. My mother taught me well I guess, as all my teachers complimented how I had a “heart of gold.” Even at a really young age I loved to study science; I would go to the library and pick a book about animal sciences over anything else, really. All of this was nice, until about fifth grade, when I was picked on by some of my classmates for, and I can’t really explain it myself in other words, no reason.