Eli's Journey

I don’t think that God is looking for people to follow him because they are scared of hell.  But that is what got me into Christianity.  At a young age I learned about Heaven and Hell, about God, and his son Jesus who is also God and who loves us and died on the cross for our sins so that we don’t have to die.  I heard it all and wanted to believe it because Heaven sounded like fun and Hell sure didn’t.  So I gave my life to Christ, asking him to come into my heart, thanking him that he had forgiven me and what not.  But I didn’t feel anything.  So the next night I prayed again.  Still nothing, so I told my mom and she prayed with me, and over and over…  Eventually I concluded that nothing was going to happen no matter how many times I invited Christ into my heart.  Remembering back, I think that at the time I thought one of three things 1) God didn’t exist 2) He did but didn’t want me because I was being insincere in my prayer.  3) He did come into my heart and I was a Christian, but I just didn’t feel it.

            I really hoped that it was the third, but deeply suspected that it could be either or the first two.  Anyway looking at my options for which path to follow I concluded with some reasoning that the safest and best bet was to try to be a Christian.  This was when I was 5ish.

            So I grow up, going to church semi regularly, mostly disliking it (youth group was fun, but I would mostly nod off during the main church sermon).  I still considered myself Christian, but didn’t really act like it.  I was afraid of what my friends would think of me if they knew I really believed or wanted to believe at least.  I always would play it off like my parents made me go and I didn’t like it.

            Then I went to college.  I was away from my parents, facing new challenges, and pondering big questions.  It was a new environment where nobody knew me or thought I was a Christian, and it was good for me.  Thinking about my faith I realized that I had a lot of doubts that I was keeping hidden.  I was sick of hiding them, and the new environment and new relationships helped me be honest about my faith (they didn’t know my past and already think that I was a Christian).  I didn’t have all of my questions answered on the spot, and not all of my doubting has gone away, but this step of being honest with people about what I believed was very important.

I remember one conversation that I had with a close friend about God and salvation and the fact that I still sometimes doubt whether or not I really am a Christian.  He encouraged me saying that he believes that my convicted heart, my desire for forgiveness, and my desire to change are all evidence of the fact that God’s Holy Spirit is at work in my life.  It made sense and I was encouraged.

So I just want to encourage all of you to be honest with each other about what you believe.  We are not going to get our question answered unless we ask them, and we are not going to find God unless we honestly seek him.  Believe me everyone has questions, and everyone doubts sometimes, it’s nothing to be ashamed of, and it does no good to hide it.
Now I want to talk you through my thoughts on life and God.

I look at the world and I know that it is broken.  It is full of suffering caused by human selfishness, and thinking about it gets me upset; murder, rape, child labor, people starving to death in Africa while people eat themselves to death in America, fathers leaving their children, husbands cheating on their wives, the list goes on.

Then I think about my actions and I get upset.  I tend to be very self interested, I lie, I cheat, I am lazy, I am rude, I am mean to people who don’t disserve it, I’m inpatient and uptight, I objectify women both in past relationships and in thought.  I know that this selfish tendency, this sinful nature, is apart of me and it is something that I cannot shake.   I also know that everyone else also sins, and they also cannot stop sinning.  These selfish actions hurt other people and they result in suffering and a separation from what is good.

Now I also know that Love is real.  I think about close relationships that I have experienced, and deep commitments that I have seen last and I know there is something awesome and true about them.  The most moving example I can think of from my life is the Love that my Mother has shown me and my family.  When I was in 8th grade my mom discovered that my father had been cheating on her.  She was devastated.  She felt betrayed, unloved, unlovable, and terribly angry.  She had every right to divorce my father, and I am sure that a big part of her wanted to.  But she didn’t, she stuck with him and they went through counseling, and they argued, and fought, and worked through their past and their problems.  My father left the other women, was convicted by the Holy Spirit, and committed his life to Christ.  Now, because of my mother’s faithfulness to God, to my father, and to me and my sister, our family is together and happy.  More importantly, because of what she did, my sisters and I and my father all found Christ are pursuing him.

The bible tells us that God loves us like a shepherd loves his sheep, like a Father loves his children, and like a Husband loves his wife.  In each of these illustrations we are portrayed as something that is the object of love, and as something that has turned from God.  The sheep wander away from the shepherd, the child is disobedient and rebellious, and the wife is unfaithful to the husband.  And in each of the illustrations God is faithful to his beloved, seeking to win their love back.
The Bible also tells us that God is Love.  If God is Love, the source and creator of all good, I can’t help but feel like the sheep, the child, and the bride.  And I can’t help but desire to be in relationship with Him.

If you haven’t heard, or if you have and you didn’t believe it, or if you did and you have forgotten it, I want to let all of you know that God loves you.  We messed it all up by sinning and live in a world that is separated from Him, but He still loves us, and He
wants to restore his relationship with us.  John 3:16 says that "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life."

By dying on the cross Jesus Christ paid the penalty for our sins, enabling God to forgive us, and putting us in the position where all we have to do is repent, confess to God that we are sinful and that we desire to change, and he will restore our relationship with him.

At the beginning of this talk I said that I don’t think that God wants us to follow him because we are scared of Hell.  I believe that this is true.  I think that God wants us to follow him because we love him.  As I continue to pursue Christ, and as I learn more about him, I have found that my faith is growing, that my doubts are shrinking, and that my love for him is increasing.

 

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