In my four years at UMass as a double major in Physics and Mathematics, I took classes on a variety of topics including General Relativity, Thermodynamics, Number Theory and Abstract Algebra. I learned A LOT. The most important thing I learned didn’t have anything to do with academics. I learned to trust God.

Before coming to college, I considered God to be some all powerful being that created the world and after I died would send me to either heaven or hell depending on how good I was. I went to church every Sunday but rarely paid attention. I prayed every night, but it was always “God bless Grandma and Grandpa and Mom and Dad and….and everyone in the world, Amen.” I didn’t think badly of God, but I more or less avoided Him, much like one would try to avoid a judge.

I put a lot of pressure on myself to succeed with school and jobs, not to mention the thought that if I didn’t behave I’d end up in hell for eternity. I was terrified of change because I thought I’d screw up. I chose physics as a major in the beginning of my senior year of high school while I was simultaneously enrolled in AP Physics. I kind of hated that class, but I didn’t change majors because I figured I might be destined to be a physicist and if I quit in high school I’d ruin the rest of my life. This was extremely apparent with girls. Early on in life, I got the idea I’d die old and alone. As a result, whenever I got in a relationship, I’d stay in it forever no matter how miserable I was. I’d think “You better suck it up because this could be the one person who can tolerate being with you more than ten minutes.”

This all began to change my sophomore year of college. I was invited to go to a Bible Study by Zach Oelschlegel. I really didn’t want to, but at the time he was only an acquaintance and I figured it’d be rude to turn him down. I figured I’d try it once, not like it and never go again. Walking there that night, I prayed it wouldn’t suck too much. God more than answered that prayer, as it didn’t suck at all. In fact, it was pretty awesome. I went just about every week. I didn’t start trusting God at the Bible study. But I was meeting with four guys who did. They prayed about everything, whether it be tests, family, forgiveness for sins, help conquering sin, and girls.

Little by little, I myself began praying about similar things. I began to trust that if things changed, I wouldn’t be ruining my life. I began embracing it, trusting God was in control. I added math as a second major, which was an excellent choice. I became an RA and met so many great people and gained so many important friends. I got more involved with UMassCru and got to play bass guitar at the weekly meetings in front of adoring crowds. I ended a miserable relationship, trusting God would provide someone for me. I got an opportunity to go on a summer long mission trip to Chicago, IL. I went and was rewarded with the greatest summer of my life. Basically, every time I’ve ever trusted God, He’s come through and my life has been better because of it.

So that brings us up to about now-ish. I’ve applied to 9 graduate schools. I’ve heard back from 7, all of them rejecting me. I applied for one job, but their extremely selective. If I don’t get it, there’s a really good chance I’ll end up sitting at home on my mother’s couch twiddling my thumbs next year. And, worst of all, I’m still single so I’m probably gonna die old and alone.

Four years ago, this would have killed me. However, I know that the Almighty Creator of the Universe is in the driver’s seat of my life. I’m pretty sure everything’s gonna be fine.

UPDATE- I got the job! And I got into a graduate school! And, my mom still has a couch so the twiddling the thumbs option works still too! After carefully weighting all the options, I decided grad school was the best. And I’m not too worried I chose wrong. I still got the Almighty Creator of the Universe on my side.

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