Lantie's Journey

I grew up in a safe and dry Christian family. I lived a lackluster life.  I stayed out of trouble and prayed only out of guilt or panic.  But there were some awesome changes this summer.

I went on a Campus Crusades summer project in Indiana called Keynote.  There were lots of challenges from the beginning, and God used them for my benefit.  We were asked before the onset of project what we wanted to get out of the summer.  I wrote many times “I need to learn how to trust God.” 

The night before I left for project, I asked my mother to promise me she wouldn't get sick, especially during my stay in Indiana.  She promised she would try.

When I arrived in Indiana I felt so out of place and frightened that all I could do was pray in my room, and remember God's encouragement to Joshua. "Be strong and courageous...Be strong and courageous...Be strong and very courageous." (Joshua 1:9)

Two weeks into project, I got a call because my mother was in the hospital.  She was hospitalized for a relapse of cancer.  It was time to go home.  My early response was to ask God, “WHY?!  She's had enough!  Why do we have to go through this again?” Later, I asked Him, "Why would you allow this to happen when I’m clearly where I'm supposed to be, doing what you want me to do?  For the first time in my life, I KNOW that I’m right where you want me."

It was so painful to face a harsh reality and to be extracted from project, but I was astounded at how God used the people I had just met to bring me so much comfort.  God blanketed my pain in peace and tender love.
 
I cried all the way from Indianapolis to New York.  It was a very uncomfortable flight for everyone on board.  It hurt too much to speak directly to God, so I scribbled my thoughts to Him, asking the same questions over and over.   I wrote furiously page after page on the plane, feeling bitterness creep in on me until I remembered a familiar Bible verse, "We've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we're not demoralized; we're not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we've been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn't left our side; we've been thrown down, but we haven't broken." (2 Corinthians 4:9)

Although I was still angry and grieving, I was anchored in the knowledge that God still has my best interest in mind.  I wasn't on speaking terms with God the first time my mother was diagnosed with lymphoma, but this time I trusted Him enough to confront Him, to question Him, to pound on His chest, and cry myself to exhaustion.  Why would my magnificent Creator put up with that?  Because He loved me THAT MUCH!  Knowing that, I was able to say, "God, her life is yours.  My life is yours.  Do with us what you will."

I could go on and on about all the good that has come out of this challenge.  My mother is recovering and doing well, I was able to return to Indiana and complete an unforgettable summer project, my faith was strengthened, and I have a new understanding of the Bible.  Those weird Bible stories suddenly made sense.  The blessings of one who wrestles with God (Genesis 32), the need for others to fight our battles with us (Exodus 17), and God's generous response to our sacrifice (Hebrews 11).

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